Resetting the Deck

They left just as fast as they came…

After an eventful couple of weeks, it’s more or less quiet again.

I tried to get La Amazona back out, but I got a not so enthusiastic response from her. I sat on the message for a while, and before I could respond she sent me a voice message, which I didn’t check until the next morning. She told me that she couldn’t do non-monogamy. She didn’t feel “safe”, and that she couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that I might be sleeping with multiple women. This is a girl that I met at a sex positive event. This is a girl that is OK with making out with everyone in the whole room. This is a girl that invited herself over to my place. This is also a girl that wanted to have sex without a condom. There wasn’t much for me to say, except “I would have liked to gotten to know you better, and all the best.” She had already made her decision, and I wasn’t going to talk her out of it. I think this had less to do with her needing comfort, and more to do with her being naive about relationships and delusional about what she “deserved.” Or her trying to justify making a poor decision. What is it called again… ASD.

The truth is we never spoke much. It was a hot lust, that burned quick. I could sense her apprehension about moving forward with me, so I would always ease off the pedal. And just when I eased up, she would charge full speed at me. On our first date, she asked me what I was looking for, and I told her frankly, “I’m looking for lovers.” She asked me how many lovers I had, and I told her. She then told me that she likes to be the only one. So from then, I thought my chances with her were slim. But for some reason, right after I told her this, she sat beside me and things get hot and heavy. We would do this dance for a few months before she ended up in my bed.

Like La Chilanga, I think La Amazona thought she could win me over. While these women are wild and fiery on the outside, I think they are insecure, marshmallow types on the inside. It’s funny, because I’m the exact opposite. I’m quiet and probably look plain, and “soft” on the outside, but there is a stubbornness/hardness and untamable-ness about me that’s not quite apparent at first sight.

I was sad that day. But chin-up. I had a date later that night. I had another great night with the hottie I pulled from OLD. I learned that she’s leaving soon. She doesn’t seem to like to spend the night, so our time lasts as long as I do. I don’t know if I fucked up, but as we laid in bed, I told her I liked her. And she accused me of being “too sweet” in that moment. But she is what I want. If not her, someone like her. At least the idea feels right. We don’t have to get deeper than lovers do, but I’d like to see her for as long as I can.

After my breakthrough week, and another shuffle of the deck (losing La Amazona) I decided I had to let the cute chubby chick go. She was cute, compliant, and cuddly, but I’m in to win it. She was nice, but I had to reset the deck. I’m in it for the hot chicks right now. So it’s hot or bust. I prefer to go without than to fuck with chicks below my level atm. TRQ recommended inviting her to the gym. I’m all for it, but I’m not sure it would help this particular case. Hence why I dropped her all together. A skinny fat chick, maybe. But most chicks regardless of their body composition won’t stay consistent without someone else getting on their ass. It’s also less likely they will stay consistent with a routine that will actually inspire their body to change. Lots of people go to the gym and do mindless, dumb shit. (I’m guilty as well) I leave them as they are, unless their actions show me they really want to change. Or they want better. Dealing with fit chicks, this is one less thing I have to “coach” them on. Girls have to coach me in sex. I have to coach them in life. It is what it is.

Since getting into game officially 2.5/3 years ago, I think I can count on one hand the number of girls I’ve had to tell that I’m not interested after sleeping with them. I don’t like ghosting, and this advice has come in handy. I’ve been able to use different variations of this, and have gotten relatively positive results when using for short term relationships. I don’t know if there are any good ways of breaking things off when things are long term. Or rather, I haven’t had any good experiences breaking things off long term. Cute chubby received my text rather well, and seems like she’s already on to the next.

I’m free.

I’ve dodged a few bullets over the past few months, and I’ve also made some progress. I’m not expecting to make much happen for the rest of the year girl-wise. My social life has improved greatly. Almost every weekend I have something going on. Other than that, I’m training hard. Getting close to a freestanding hspu and working on the seated L muscle up. I’m getting stronger. I’m also getting closer and closer to a noticeable physical transformation. This is another reason I reset the deck. The fitter I become, the more I become, the easier it is to pull/attract the women I want.

A Full Moon Spell

After my experience at the sex club, I pressed a little harder to get the girls and experiences I want in my life. I don’t know what it was, but it felt like something was brewing in the air. I’ve honestly been going back and forth on wanting to take a break from my girl hunt, but something keeps pulling me back in. I don’t know if this reference is correct, but the inertia is real. This body in motion is going to stay in motion. Every week, more or less, has presented opportunities. How could I say no? I laid 4 different girls this week. 3 out of 4 I would consider hot.

Here’s to another ramble.

Before the sex club, I started dealing with a chick that I didn’t mention. Reason being, she’s more on the chubby side, but her face is super cute. I decided to keep seeing her, because fuck it, I think she’s cute, she’s easy going, and she lets me do whatever I want with her. One thing I’ve been finding really attractive is compliance. She doesn’t give me a bunch of chat. If I ask/tell her to do something, she does it. On this particular night, we warmed up with some light conversation, then I told her, “I want to tie you up tonight.” She replied, “Oh yea, what does that entail?” So I set the scene. I told her I’d give her some cuffs and a waist corset, kind of like this. She said she was down, and she joked about if I was going to kidnap her. “It’s always the good looking, normal ones.” I joked with her. I let her choose the rope material she wanted, and then got to work. We made small talk as I tied her, and I’d check in every now then to make sure she was good, and that nothing felt too tight. Then I walked her over to the mirror, so she could see her new gear. This is only my second time tying someone up in a private setting, so not the best, but we both agreed it looked good. I asked if she wanted to take the cuffs off or leave them on… she wanted to leave them on. The moment in which I told her to get on her knees, while she was still tied up, I felt the blood rush down below. Is it possible I like this power? I fucked her really good that night, using the rope like lines connected to a harness to contort her body. Then we cuddled and laughed, which was something that I really needed. Then we went for a round two. We cuddled for a bit more, and then she left. The next day she sent me a very enthusiastic text saying she wants to see me again. For some reason, I started getting nervous. I want to see her again, but I’m also on the fence. That really was the impetus for searching for more girls at the beginning of the week. Mainly because I don’t want her to think that we’re going to be anything more than lovers.

Next, La Amazona popped back up. I think I saw her once in the past month, and our interaction left a lot to be desired. She just seemed uninterested. So I did what I thought I have to do. I rolled off. I gave her no attention for a good while, and then out of the blue she invited me to a party. This was a themed party, so I came dressed for the occasion. Sharp like a razor. As I step in the venue, I notice the place is full of hot girls, most of them my type. I’m in heaven. La Amazona gives me a loud, warm greeting and introduces me to the room. La Amazona is the life of any room she steps into. She attracts every and anyone that’s looking for a good time. People love her energy. I love her energy. In that regard, she would be the perfect +1 to bring at a sex party. I ended up exchanging numbers with some of her friends. Some, platonic hot girls that I connected with, and would be good to know. Others, potential lovers.

There is one girl in particular that stood out to me. We stood next to each other for a while, and then she opened me. She randomly asked, “Do you save numbers?” It sounded like a strange question at first, but I knew what was happening here. I looked at her and grinned, “I do. Can I save yours?” I don’t know if this was the best response, but I try not to be over the top. How would you have replied? Share in the comments below. Back to story. And this chick is smart. She sees La Amazona is in the vicinity, so she says, “Not right now.” I find her later in the night, we chat for a bit and exchange numbers.

A while later, La Amazona declared to me that she was coming home with me that night. Many make outs later we’re back at my place in the shower. She lays me down in the bath, and hops on top of me. I have to slow her down. This woman is not on birth control, and we’re fucking without a condom a this point. We dry off, I grab a condom and we’re back at it. Her body does not respond well to the condom, so she takes it off and we keep going. Dumb, I know. In hindsight, I should at least grab the lube and see if that helps. We finally fall asleep, and we’re holding each other all night. We wake up, and fuck again. With and without the condom. Then we cuddled and talked about why she was avoiding this inevitable moment.

The same day La Amazona left my place, that evening I had a date with The Siren. I had been frustrated with The Siren for a while now. She would always text me to over explain why she couldn’t see me. So again, I rolled off. Each time. I struggled with whether or not I should tell her off about her annoying behavior, but I went into the TRQ catalog, and this seemed applicable. I was very tempted to cancel our date, but I’m trying to connect and f*ck.

Even a token response seems sub-optimal to me. I’d say nothing, and doing nothing is an under-rated move, in some situations. Notice how often chicks do it. Do nothing, that is. No reply, no nothing. And then when we (men) re-engage later, chicks act as if nothing has happened or changed.

TRQ

I decided to do nothing, no reply. And it seemed to work. When I saw her she ran into my arms and jumped on me. It was so good to see her, and feel her in the flesh. We were in a public place, so we didn’t have much time to catch up, but we spent the evening exploring and sharing yummy energy with a good group of people. Afterwards, she invited herself over to my place. Typically, I’m very strict with sticking to my schedule, but I hadn’t seen The Siren in so long so I made an exception. There we hash it out. I learn part of the reason she’s been avoiding me apart from her life changes, is that she’s tired of bringing people into the “lifestyle.” Even though she knows I’m doing my thing, and navigating this space quite well without her, she sees me as someone she would have to teach, and she doesn’t have the energy for that. Fair enough. She’s been enjoying herself, and going to the type of parties some people only dream of. I reassure her that she doesn’t have to over explain herself to me. I’m doing my thing.

I show her my recently acquired impact play tools. Whip, flogger, riding crop, etc. and we play around with them. She shows me a thing or two. We make out a bit, then we fall asleep. I wake around the time I’d usually wake up (earlier than the crack of dawn), and I feel her silky body pressed against mine. What’s a monk to do? I kiss her all over, until her tight little body is squirming. I kiss her lips, and I can feel the grool slowly part from my lips. We have an intense session of hot, animalistic sex. Lots of growling and roaring and shit. Unleashing our inner beasts. After I roared all over her belly, she took out a toy and we continued for a while. She taught me how to make her squirt. She didn’t exactly squirt, but something orgasmic happened. And then we chatted and connected some more before falling back asleep. I think we came to the agreement that we’ll most likely continue to see other sporadically, as both of our schedules can fit. I’m ok with that now, especially if every time is like this.

Just when I think it was good, things get better. Earlier in the week I jumped online and immediately matched with a hottie. Again, everything went smoothly. Compliance from the beginning. I don’t waste time on OLD. I go straight for the date. If she’s into it she’ll bite, if she’s unsure the messages die off and I move on with my life. So I carry on with my day after The Siren leaves, and then I hit the town for the umpteenth time of the week. When I see her, she’s exactly like her pictures, and even hotter. She was dressed like she wanted to get f*cked that night. Her body is on point. I love dancer/yoga body girls. We have a drink and some innocent chat. The usual first date conversation. I still generally sprinkle Magnum’s first date questions, while adding my own flavor and calibrating to the girl in front of me. When the couple beside us leaves, I casually ask if I can sit beside her. At one point she mentioned that her longest relationship was with a woman, and that one of the difficulties was always being placed in a box by the people around her. I responded with something like, “How come people always have to define what you are? Why can’t you be free to just be you without defining everything?” I pay for drinks, and I ask if she’d like to take a walk. I start walking in the direction of my place. I get a whiff of her perfume, and I give her an intense look, and I say “Damn, you smell good.” And she replies, “You do too”, as we meet each other for our first kiss. We walk down the street holding each other, and connecting on all kinds of topics. When we get closer to my place, I ask her if she wants to check out the view. She gave me a shy yes, but a yes nonetheless. She is mesmerized when she sees the view. I play some music, and we dance, with the breeze holding us tight, overlooking the bright lights of the city. We go back inside, and dance some more…

I don’t know what was in the air this week, but I’ve never done anything like this. Could it be the full moon? Am I entering a new level? Sex wise, I didn’t have any problems getting it up. I noticed the more comfortable I was with the girl, the harder I was. I used some help the first couple days. But the last two lays were completely unexpected so I didn’t take anything. The same day lay was unexpected. I went thinking I was going to have a drink and call it an early night. Game wise, I wouldn’t say my game has improved, but I’m recognizing patterns, and I’m trying to either flow with it or adjust as needed each time a similar pattern comes up. As for retention, the chubby chick is in the bag if I want to keep seeing her. I’m not sure with La Amazona. It might be a case of sporadic, hot sex. Same with The Siren. I would love to see the last chick again. To be honest, I wouldn’t be mad if it turned into something more. But it’s too early to go there. I’ll just accept it for what is was. A damn good week.

This One Time, At a Sex Club…

I went to a sex club. Never in a million years did I think I’d make it to one. I honestly didn’t know this world existed or that it was accessible to me until I found this.

Here comes a ramble.

A few weeks ago, I got an invite from a friend I had recently met out and about in the streets. Not my type, but I think she’s cool. I’ll reiterate, she’s cool, but I’m not attracted to her. On the contrary, she is attracted to me. To be honest, I was a little nervous to go with her because I knew she was into me. I made it clear that we are going as friends. I’ll have her back if she needs anything, and she’ll have mine; if all goes south for anyone, we leave. That was the agreement. I could’ve waited until I got a girlfriend, or a girl that’s really into me (that I’m also into), but I don’t know… I don’t see that happening for me anytime soon. I wanted the experience.

So we rock up to the club. It’s a sexy, swanky space. This is my style. Music is bumping, everyone’s dressed up, and we’re both excited. I change into my outfit, and I run into a familiar face. I see Milf Mami. I haven’t seen her in a while, but we exchange pleasantries and flirty glances. Milf Mami is cute, but she wants something a lot more casual than I do. And she’s older than I’d like. (I’m also too grown to continue my pattern of dating “older” women.) But I think in this case, she’s a good person to know so I keep the bridge open, even if there’s no communication at the moment. Then, as I’m checking my bag a husky girl comes up behind me and starts chatting me and my friend up. She has her target locked on me.

I can tell I’m nervous from all the excitement because when I keep the prop in my left hand still, I can feel my fingers trembling. The other sign I’m nervous is that I clam up. Silent. I’m generally a quiet person, but if I’m in the mood I’ll chat. Before you get to the fun, you have to do a lot of talking at sex clubs (especially if you don’t have a date). This indeed, is going to be an impediment for me if I can’t get over it. After a while I decide I need some alcohol, so I break away from my friend and I circle. As I make my way around, I’m making small talk with people. Since every one was in costume, I’d just open with something simple like, “I like your costume!” or “Who are you supposed to be, [inset costume guess]? By this time people were full on fucking in the designated areas. I felt like a kid in a candy shop. “Is this real?” I thought to myself.

After two drinks, I’m still switching between walking around, chatting people up, watching all the hot steamy sex happen in front of me, performances, and some of the impact play demonstrations happening. If you want to go to a sex club and just watch, there is more than enough to keep your attention. But I guess that also depends on the night and the venue. Up to this point, there was no action for me. I made a few attempts that went no where. One girl said she just wanted to watch this time before I even hinted that I wanted to do anything with her. I stood around with another girl trying to make conversation, but no dice. Two beautiful Asian chicks. And to be honest those two were the only chicks that I really wanted to talk to. They both kind of had really tough exteriors though. And I’m not one to press. Probably lazy of me, but girls have typically made it easy for me when they are into me. So when they don’t, on to the next. I’m not really trying to figure out what their deal is (Another impediment)

As I’m watching some performances, a girl comes up to me. She tells me she’s been looking for me. Lucky me because I think she’s cute. We exchange pleasantries for a few minutes, and then she gets right to it. She tells me something along the lines of, “Do you want to go somewhere a little quieter so we can continue talking? I also want to play with you.” You don’t have to ask me twice. 😀 So we head down to the main play area and find a spot. I’m embarrassed to say this, but I was stumped when she asked me what I like. To be honest, I’m still trying to figure that out, but it’s hard to do when I don’t have someone I’m consistently sexing. I also forget what sex feels like if it’s been a while. Maybe I’ll write some things down the next time I’m seeing someone consistently. She thinks a guy like me must get allll the girls in NYC. When girls say shit like this, I just smile and stay silent. I know it’s not time to whine, but I must at least pretend like what she imagines is true. We kiss for a bit, and after I’d been fingering her for a while she tells me to take my shorts off. As soon as I do, I flat line. I tell her I’m going to the bathroom, and when I return, naked in a room full of strangers, she was nowhere to be found. Another couple had taken our spot. Immediately, I feel myself sinking as I grab my garbs from the shared mattress, but I catch myself and level out. I level out, but the wall comes back up. I was not what she was looking for, or I couldn’t deliver what she was looking for. It’s ok, dude. Fire & maneuver, baby. Fire & maneuver.

I think she was looking for her dominant black stallion. The black stallion part is becoming more true every day, but I’m not feeling all that dominant these days. Also, I think and feel I’m lacking experience to demonstrate that dominance. I always did like more of a tussle. To me, that tussle, that dance, creates more tension than me just simply overpowering her, or vice versa.

After I freshen back up and reassemble my outfit I go find my friend and she has company. Another chick. Attractive face, but I don’t know what is going on with her body. They praise me, because they think I’m so “smooth.” I tell them I’m going to circle again. By this time the alcohol is kicking in a bit more, however my vibe is fading. Couldn’t hook anything, and then I ran into my friend and her new friend in the main play area. They told me they wanted to find a spot. One went away, and the other lead me to a bed. I knew where this was going, but I was not down. First, they both started kissing in front of me. Then the new friend leaned over to me and asked if she could kiss me. We kissed. Then they kissed some more. Then my friend asked if she could kiss me. I couldn’t do it. I watched them kiss for a little bit, then I told them to “Enjoy!” and I left. As I watched them kiss, it felt like the hot couples were watching me about to get it on with these not so cute girls. Maybe no one was watching, but in the end it felt like a decision I’d regret soon after. In my late 20s, I was at a festival and was willingly ambushed seduced into a threesome with two older ladies. I didn’t want to repeat this. This is not the game I want to play. This is not why I practice, or even try to, at least.

I wandered around a while longer. In between that my friend and her new friend left, and two other girls asked for and received a kiss. One of these being the husky chick that had me on her radar all night. (I was kinda dodging her, but was open for a kiss.) The other, a tall chick that I could tell used to be hot in her better years. Kissing felt like a handshake that night. If I had a mutually willing party, I would have been fine with shaking hands all night. The girls I wanted though were either coupled up (I couldn’t reciprocate value for value as a single guy ) or weren’t interested (At least that’s what their body language said). I decided to call it a night before I did something I would regret.

All in all, it was fun. Don’t go by yourself. I noticed there were single people (men and women) that didn’t know how to make things happen. Some of them might’ve gotten lucky, but by the look on some people’s faces they were waiting for someone to change their luck the whole night. I would go again, but it would have to be with someone I’m already really into. This was another good experience that has opened my eyes to even more possibilities, but I’ve confirmed that right now I want connection and intimacy. A girlfriend, or anything of the like, feels a long way a way, but I want to feel some closeness without feeling smothered.

All of my leads from September have dried up. It’s very possible that some will spark up again, but I’m good where I am right now.

Lead Her to the Bridge

September was sweet, but I had a lot of failed dates and other failures as well. I just had enough good things happen, that I was able to ignore the failures in my last post. But let’s be real, the failures are where we learn. This is where we grow. The one good thing about writing right after a date is that I can remember the details. At this point, many weeks have passed and many conversations have happened, but this is what I remember. In particular, two situations stand out.

  • Dinner with Carolina

I met Carolina out dancing. Her and her friends are an attractive group of people. These are the type of people that feel like an “image match” to me. Not to get into too much detail, but we’re on a similar level looks-wise, we’re all doing fairly well in life, and we love to dance. Yay. Or so I think. So we’re all hanging quite frequently the first couple of weeks I met them. Then I tell Carolina, “Hey, I don’t feel like going out, but let’s do something chill.” So we have a picnic. I guess this would be considered our “first date”, but I was still on the fence of whether I wanted to take it there or just keep her as a friend. The main reason for wanting to keep her as a “friend” is because she knows a bunch of other hot chicks, and I also really want to create some semblance of a social circle that includes hot chicks. But I can’t help myself; if I want the chick I’m going to shoot or try to at least. The picnic was fun, and we spent an afternoon together talking about our past lives. That was it. She left town for a while, and we kept in touch. She proposed we have dinner when she returned. So boom. We’re at dinner.

It was weird because as soon as I saw her, before I could set the pace, she beat me to it and was telling me how tired she was, and how much work she had to do. Almost like she either wanted to see what I was going to do with what she threw at me, or she realized in that moment or moments leading up to the dinner that she wasn’t attracted to me. She called herself out on it, but I was so confused I didn’t know what to do/say except eat my food and listen. I was searching for something to ask her. I have a bunch of r-selected questions lined up! But what I was missing was how to get there. For the life of me I couldn’t get us over the bridge that would take us from k-selected safe topics to the fun stuff, what I would consider paradise. I didn’t want to just bulldoze my way into the deep end. The best thing I could come up with was, “So what kind of guys do you like?” Honestly, at this point it didn’t even matter. She was out with me.

This post from TRQ is one bridge that I could have used here. I’ve definitely used the “peak experience” question before, but was drawing a blank on this date. And generally, yes, girls start with boring ass answers unless they’re really into me or I meet them in a non-monogamy setting. (Most of the non-monogamous women I’ve met so far have no problem telling me about all of their wild escapades. We dive right in!)You have to tease the good shit out of them a lot of times. Something I definitely have to work on. I like how mercush breaks down TRQ’s smooth example:

>“You know when it’s Sunday and someone asks what you did this weekend and you were like, ‘I was hanging out,’ because you can’t say, ‘I spent all weekend in bed with this awesome guy.’” A comment like that does a bunch of work… if you think you understand, explain what work you think it does in the comments.

I’ll have a go.
1) It implies you are the type of guy who spends weekends in bed with awesome girls
2) It’s framed from the girl’s perspective so it shows you understand that she feels there are things about her sexuality she can’t show or discuss publicly
3) It shows you don’t judge her for her sexuality, making it safe for her to to talk about her sexuality openly
4) More generally it implies that you get that women are sexual and expect women to be sexual
5) Now she’s thinking about what it would be like to spend a weekend in bed with you

I like this because it’s a bridge or the lubrication that can lead to the r-selected topics without being overt and it demonstrates that you “just get it”. Of course there’s delivery and all that stuff, but that’s why we practice. And that’s the only way to really make it your own. I don’t regurgitate a lot of things on here, because I’m more focused on, “How can I make these new themes I’m learning my own?” I’m also not good at talking about what that means for me, but it comes off as more of a feeling and in my vibe.

I went in for the kiss at the end of the night. Carolina half-kissed backed, but she wasn’t fully into it. Later that night she texted that she enjoyed the night, and she likes spending time with me. However, I couldn’t get her out after that until recently with the group. When I saw her again, she talked about all the logistics of why she couldn’t meet, but also told me all the things she was still able to make time for. I ignored her last weak attempt for a 1:1 meet. Mainly because what she’s been doing is agreeing to meet, then over-scheduling, and deprioritizing our date. Wasting my time. Maybe I’ll reconsider, but I think I’m going to fold my cards here.

  • Hot Japanese Chick

I need a new name her, but in the mean time, Hot Japanese Chick (HJC) it is. I matched with her on OLD. We took forever to meet up and it wasn’t really a date. I thought that lead had died, so I unmatched her. Months later, I ran into her at a party and we exchanged numbers. Instead of trying to get her out on a date, I was just trying to get her out. So I’d ping her to say, “Hey, I’m going to be here, come out if can!” and she’d do the same. We finally made plans, and we met up and went to an event together where I’d be meeting Carolina with her friends. We had quite a bit of alone time, but this was the first time we were officially meeting and could hear each other to have a conversation so it was generally boring, get to know you stuff. She’s another one that talks about work a lot. This is another example where “the bridge” or some lubrication was needed. TRQ posted some good examples in the same post, in the comments of how I could’ve gotten there:

You can also try things like, “Let’s say you never had to work again… what would you do? Who would you be?” Can also try things like, “Have you ever played a game where you try as hard as you can to never ask someone what they do?”
-TRQ

These are playful, and seem like they can get things moving in the right direction. If I’m getting stuck, especially with more k-selected girls, I’m going to try these.

There were also other things at play that night. HJC didn’t pay attention to the invite I sent her, and I didn’t explicitly tell her what to do because I had limited information as well. This place was a bit more upscale, so I dressed the part based on the invitation. HJC came out looking good, but super casual, which was strange because every time I’d seen prior, she was dressed up. Not to mention, we’d be at a place where the dress code was casual and she’d be the only one dressed up. So I could read that she was feeling self-conscious about the way she was dressed. I could also read that when Carolina and her friends came around, HJC was uncomfortable. Every time I’ve seen HJC out and about she’s been with a group of guys, and it was like she didn’t know how to interact with a group of girls.

I’m going to try and get her out again, and 1:1 next time, but more than likely I missed my window. I missed on a few more, just like this with some younger hot chicks (they would tell me about school without me really asking or say they are focused on studying right now), but we have volume baby! So I will be trying again.

Something else I want to get better at while I’m thinking about it, is reading people and situations. A lot time I play it safe because I can’t get a good read on the person or the situation and I end up doing nothing or not moving the needle enough to get a good reaction. On one end, it might be good because I save myself from looking like a fool, but on the other end, I’m probably missing opportunities because I can’t read the person/situation correctly or fast enough. But I guess that will come with time, experience, and intention.

Sweet September

August burned slowly, but not for long. I reached out to Turkish Delight one more time before I realized that she was not coming back. I called her, and she gave me the “Yea, I’ll let you know” vibes. That was the sound in her voice as she said she would call me back to make plans. Following up seemed pointless.

I caught myself playing a particular song in a loop for a few days, and I realized I was mourning her exit from my life. It’s not like she meant anything to me, but I think it’s the leaving part that gets me. It’s hard to open up when I know they’re going to leave or I’m going to leave. This nomadic life we live… I also noticed I’m getting better about dealing with this. I was able to snap out of it, and keep it moving.

September was busy! I had dates with four women, and laid two. I also had a ton of adventures.

The Siren

The Siren was away for a good part of August so we hadn’t interacted much. Upon her return, she called me out of the blue and asked if I could come over. I knew it was time. By this time, my magic blue pills had already arrived, but her call was so unexpected I didn’t have time to take one. My performance left a lot to be desired, but it is what is. She is by far the sexiest girl I’ve ever been with. Wow. Her body looked flawless to me. I was not prepared for her that night, but it was still a good experience overall… to me. After that, I met up with her once to go dancing. I haven’t seen her since. I’ve honestly been hesitant to reach out. There are a few things here.

  • The Siren likes to explicitly state expectations and boundaries before meeting. It can be anything from, “Hey, I just want to set expectations that you can only stay for x hours. You can’t spend the night.” to “I can only meet with you for x hours, because I’m going to see my other homey/lover/friend, etc.” At first, I thought “Wow, this woman is a good communicator.” Then it just started feeling annoying, and like there were all these limits to our relationship that hasn’t even grown into anything yet. Mentally this is a turn off to me because now I’m trying to work within the parameters that she has set. Essentially I shut down before I get to create something with her because everything has to be on her terms.
  • The Siren wants to control everything. I noticed this, and I have mentally withdrawn.

It feels like The Siren is trying to hold onto our connection by a thread, but I’m slowly fading out.

SunChips

I met SunChips on Feeld. Plain, midwestern, white girl. I don’t date a lot of white girls, especially American white girls (I also generally don’t think they’re interested in me), but I was curious. We kind of hit it off, surprisingly. Hot make outs in the park, talks of fucking in public, and potentially going to parties together. Sex with her was good. She had her laundry list of rules in the beginning (no sleepovers), but overall she was just more chill than The Siren. We only had sex twice, and we met up for a couple regular dates. The last time we met up she had some not so great news for me. She revealed to me that she was having an HSV1 outbreak. I had a situation where I dealt with a chick in my late 20s who had the herp, and after a month I decided I didn’t want to see her again. I spent the next 6 months being paranoid for nothing. I eventually got over it, but I wasted a lot time worrying. This time, I thought I was OK with it for a quick second. I let her give me head, and boy that post-nut clarity is a bitch. Then and there I decided to make it known I was on the fence about continuing this casual affair. The reality is I haven’t had any kind of outbreak that I’m aware of in my lifetime, and I’m trying to keep it like that. This chick has a million likes on Feeld. Someone will fuck her. As for me, if I hang around and catch this annoying skin infection, then she gets bored and moves on to something new, and I have to disclose to new lovers, then my prospects become slim to none. It was good while it lasted. Fingers crossed, I’m good – if the pesky virus is not already flowing through my veins. The funny thing is we exchanged test results before we got busy, but HSV is not on the standard STI panel, and it’s annoying to say the least. So it’s always just a fingers crossed kind of thing.

Milf Mami

I met Milf Mami on another app. We had a really steamy first date. We had a few drinks, hot conversation, then I pulled her back to my place. We ended up fooling around a bit, but I warned that I was not ready to give her the salami just yet. Milf Mami reminds me of girls I would crush on in high school. Caribeña! She has the same “look.” Glasses, cute face, and a simple yet sophisticated style of dress. Our “relationship” is a lot more distant. We don’t do dates or call/text each other. So far she’ll just text me when she’s in the area on her free weekend. I’m not sure how much I’m liking this arrangement, since that means my brain keeps her in stranger territory. I don’t feel any closeness, and not sure how much I’m attracted to her compared to my other options.

La Amazona

La Amazona is another fiery Mexican, just like La Chilanga. Same strong, possessive personality. Except physically this chick is modelesque. I met her at a social. I befriended a couple, and the female counterpart turned into my wing woman. She just pushed me to go talk to her. Nothing special. I ended up dancing with La Amazona and taking her social media details. We texted for a bit. I got her out twice, both times for some steamy make out sessions in some very public places. I’m really getting into the public play if you can’t tell. lol I love how straight forward, feisty, and handsy La Amazona is. Out of all the girls on this list, she turns me on the most. I want her. I love that she’s not afraid to show that she wants me. I want this closeness, without the boyfriend title.

Outside of this, my social life has been full, at least for me. I’m actively trying to make friends for the first time in a long time. I’m active on social media. It’s actually helped my game a lot. I live a pretty good and interesting life in NYC, and being able to show that has helped to multiply my connections. I have some hot girls in my social circles. I have yet to make anything happen with them (some because either they’re just not interested or my game is not there yet – maybe some combination of the two), but also if I can make my friendships with hot girls reap benefits elsewhere maybe it’s worth it? Walk into a room with a regular chick… what happens? Nothing. Walk into a room with a hot girl… people open me. That reminds me, I reconnected with the hot Japanese chick, and we’ve met up once. We’re both real head turners walking down the street or stepping into a room together.

I have a lot of light connections at the moment, but I’m hoping to deepen/strengthen them in the next couple months. Overall, my life is feeling really good. Way better than last year around this time. I’ve also been a rockstar at work. I’m not worried about if I’m ever going to get laid again so I can focus on doing my job well… these days it’s just a matter of when. I’m getting ready to go to my first party. (More on that later) Life is sweet… like all this pum pum I’m tasting lately.

A Slow Burning August

July was a month of lots of highs. It felt like every week, and some weeks every day something was happening. While there are a few more days left in the month, August has been a lot slower. I find myself itching for a fix, itching for the high that came with meeting all those new people, all the invites to new places, and the new opportunities to possibly make a new girl mine. Timing and my body is saying to take a rest, so I’ll reflect on the latest happenings as I recharge and get ready to hit the streets for the last month before the days get shorter, and the nights get cooler.

The last time I saw Turkish Delight was a few weeks ago. This was the first time I was seeing her after our first night together. We went to a dance lesson together. I met her at the front door of the building, and greeted her with a kiss on the lips. I felt kind of awkward because I wasn’t sure what we were doing. Anyway, we go for lesson. I noticed that there’s something magnetic when I’m holding her, especially in a closed position. And I love the way she looks at me. In that moment I can feel her desire for me. Or maybe she looks at all guys like that, who knows. But that’s how it feels. After a lesson in dance, we went back to my place for another type of lesson. When I invited her out, I seeded that she could spend the night if she’d like. She never replied, but she came prepared. We danced for a while, and then she went to the bathroom. When she came out of the bathroom she confronted me about a long black hair she found. The Siren, the girl I met a few years ago at a festival and then matched with on OLD, was at my place the night before. I’ll get to that later though. Turkish Delight said something along the lines of, “Look! I know we are nothing, but if you are having sex with anyone else I want you to tell me.” It’s weird. In the moment, I was actually blank. Maybe stoic is a good word here. I held her by the hips as I looked her dead in her eyes, clarified what exactly she wanted to know, and told her let’s use condoms. I had gotten in the habit of not using them with La Chilanga. The shit feels so much better, and more natural. It’s hard to go back… The reality is I’m not having sex with anyone else, but no need to get worked up about it. It is what it is. I couldn’t get hard enough to use a condom so that night we just kissed, felt each other up, and talked. In the morning I managed enough to go for one round, but something was feeling off for me. I had this cute Turkish chick with a yoga body in my bed and I couldn’t perform. Shit happens sometimes, I guess. I made us breakfast, and then we went about our day.

During our conversation, I mentioned that I was going to a couple kink events and I wanted her to come with me. It was probably way too early to ask, but I did anyway. She said they were too intimate for her taste; these are things she might do with someone she knows a bit better. I tried to frame it as being a way that we could both get to know/explore each other , but no dice. I tried getting her out apart from that, but schedules have yet to align. I’m going to pull back here since I’ve initiated all of our encounters so far. I want to see how long it will take her to initiate, or if she will initiate at all. From her responses and her actions she still seems interested, but I don’t know.

Now on to the Siren. I am calling her this because she’s definitely trying to suck me into her world. She’s very tempting. On our second date, we cooked dinner at my place. I cooked the main, and I had her bring the ingredients for the side dishes, which we prepared together. We talked about relationships, of course. She explained her poly orientation to me. She says she likes kitchen table poly, she likes group play, and she’s looking for an anchor partner. OK… interesting. She’s also seeing a few people right now. I don’t know if what this means has fully hit me yet, but I’m curious to at least keep getting to know her and see where things go. We didn’t have sex that night. I read her a few passages from My Secret Garden as a kind of bedtime story, and she seemed to enjoy that. I’ve seen her twice since then. I’ve met some of her friends, including the person she’s de-escalating things with. She’s in the middle of a big relationship and life transition, and I’m new to her lifestyle so it’s probably best to go slow here. She’s away for a few weeks, so I guess I’m finally taking some time to process this. This chick is hot (I haven’t said that about any of the girls I’ve written about so far – this one actually qualifies as hot to me). Definitely my type. Beautiful smile. Petite yoga body. Her hair is long, and it’s so black it’s blue. She’s pulling me in with her sultry voice and her vivacious personality. She must be a Siren.

With both of these leads out of the way for now, I finally had some time to think about wtf is happening with my libido here. I’ve not been in the mood, even though these are probably the hottest chicks I’ve been with… ever. Part of it is probably nerves. I was nervous on my second date with The Siren. I get nervous about the sex, but it’s rare that I get nervous around a chick. I also haven’t gotten this level of chick in a loooong time. The other thing I accounted for was my diet. I had been eating too clean. I haven’t gone out to eat since I got back from vacation with La Chilanga. I’m learning my body loves fats. I need fats to keep the engine running. Another thing is I added weight back to my workout routine, so I think my body hasn’t been recovering as well. So I’ve sprinkled a few hamburgers and pizza in there to help me out there. The final thing is, I think I do need to honor my alone time to recharge. July was filled with so much excitement I was determined to keep up the momentum, and I fought myself to keep going out/keep checking apps/keep firing, but I need to bring it back in, level, refocus/reset, and take some time for me. I need that.

July Was a Lovely Year

July started off with a vacation with La Chilanga. As much as I love solo travel, there’s always a part of me that wishes that I could share those experiences with someone else. La Chilanga and I were getting along swimmingly when I proposed we take a trip, but as the trip got closer, we seemed to be treading on thin ice. The problem is/was La Chilanga wants commitment and an accessory boyfriend/husband, and the closer we got to the trip, it felt like the more she was trying to dig her talons into me to get what she wanted. I had a few firm conversations with her, and she said she understood, however, her actions kept telling me she wouldn’t let up. To say the least, it’s hard to get excited about someone when they’re always calling/texting you.

During this time, I picked up The Rational Male: Religion off of my bookshelf because I felt I needed some reminders of the cold hard truths lol. I have been getting into the practice of talking about what I read – basically weaving in certain ideas I’ve read about into conversations. I was doing a smooth job of talking about ideas like Blank Slate Theory without using any weird jargon or RP examples for a good while. With all the noise in the media, it became a talking point between La Chilanga and I. After a while she wanted to know which books I was reading because she wanted to read them too. It was easy to ward her off at first. I would just say, “Don’t worry about it ;)” ) or give some vague smart remark. The thing is, La Chilanga asks hard questions for a living, and she doesn’t back down. She’ll drop it, and then find a way to bring it up again. So I told her what I was reading. She googled it, and found a review of the original Rational Male book.

I know… the first rule of Fight Club is “Don’t talk about Fight Club.” There are a few problems I see with talking about Fight Club, especially in an “uncool” way. The first is it demystifies romance and love. In a way talking about the Fight Club takes away the magic, and the idea that “it just happened.” When La Chilanga introduces me to her friends, she loves to recount the story of her and her friend sitting at a bar, and a dashing gentleman struck up a conversation with them, and voilà! Look what I got! The other thing is that a lot of the truths of the Fight Club are not pretty, no matter how you look at it or say it. It is what it is. Is it all true? And is it true for everyone and everything, all the time? No. But it is true to varying degrees. Every girl is quick to say some variation of, “That’s not me.” or “I’m different.” Sure, you are. But why do I know everything that’s about to come out of your mouth now before you even say it? Girls will deny a lot of these “truths” because it strips them of their power to manipulate or influence you. I know La Chilanga thought I was a “soft boy”, because I’m not outwardly aggressive and I move like ninja, maybe more like a monk. She would always tell me, “You’re different. You’re not like the men I work with.” Half of her problem at work is probably that she’s probably trying to be like the men she can’t have and the men she can’t compete with. There are many other things I could say here, but I digress.

Knowing we had a big trip planned we brushed it under the table. I almost canceled the trip, but I said “Fuck it. Let’s go and try to have a good time.” Which we generally did. Overall La Chilanga was easy to travel with. I can’t remember what exactly annoyed me, but she might’ve been complaining about work, and how she has it “so hard.” I made a few snarky comments about how she could’ve had a different life, but she chose to devote her life to her career. I think that dug deep for her. As I’m sure it digs deep for a lot of the women that reach this epiphany too late. We made it through the days, but our conversations the last two nights were tense. I also got frustrated with myself for oversharing with her. A piece of me felt I had to push her away, because she was inevitably pushing for something I didn’t want. No sense in hanging around. And my “cool” attempts at conveying what we were to each other and what we would never be failed. So I used an “uncool” method (talking about the Fight Club) to get my point across. There’s a lot of detail I’m skimping on here, so not sure how well I’m painting the picture. (I want to also acknowledge that there is definitely some underlying rage inside that I haven’t totally resolved yet. I’m aware of it, and I’m OK with with it. But it will take time, and new experiences that move me forward that help heal this shit. ) We went our separate ways, and when I hugged and kissed her, it felt like the last time I would see her. At least for a while.

When I got back to the City, I knew it was time to hit the streets! I was free again! I had been thinking about the married lady I met while dancing weeks prior. So after a few small talk texts I invited her over for dinner again. In hindsight, the lead had gone cold and I should have reset with a public meet for another smoothie. Yes, I take chicks out for smoothies and tea instead of drinks.

Her: “Honestly, I’m going through something in my relationship at the moment, which got me with no room in my head for casual sex. I hope you understand. “

Me: “No worries. Thank you for being so candid. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I do hope things work out. Whenever you’re in a better place, I’d love to see you again.”

Her: “You’re a sweetheart. I know it will be good. I’d be happy to see you again too ;)”

I figure it’s best not to be over eager in this situation. She has a primary partner, and she seems to know how to put him first to maintain their relationship. I respect that. As to when to ping again… I’ll sit on this. This might be one for some long game. I like what XBTUSD says here:

One benefit of being in an ENM LTR is patience. You never have to come off as needy, and you can make small investments that play out over time: you can get rich slowly.

XBTUSD

So with the married chick not going anywhere, I decided to hit the streets. On a boiling hot Saturday, the streets smelling like hot trash, I decided to go dancing. I went to an early social event. Usually there’s a lesson and then open dance time. I walked in right before the lesson, stood around, and when they called everyone to get closer, I made my way to the front of the stage. This is part of my “sitting duck” routine. I go to the front, one, so I can see the moves the instructors are showing us, but also so that I can be seen. I think that even if women don’t make the first move, they will often times put themselves in the position to be hit on. So I try to position myself in a way that makes me more visible and accessible to any potential interested parties. Then you know what happens next? Once we go over some basic footwork, usually the instructors tell everyone to find a partner to follow along for the partner lesson.

I turned around, and there she was. Turkish Delight. From the moment I met her, there was this electric spark between us. When she took off her sunglasses, and showed me her eyes, her eyes sparkled with this greenish-brown hue. And she had a smile that lit up the room. We danced and played the question game throughout the whole lesson. Feeling each other out in every way. I immediately knew I wanted to see her again, so I got her number before we split up to dance with other people. By the end of the night we found our way back to each other. I walked her to her train station, and as I went in for the hug I kissed her deeply. We went at it for a minute, and then we both backed away, bid each other adieu, and went our separate ways.

I tried to get her over for dinner the next week, but no dice. Since I couldn’t get her out, I thought, “Aww man, it’s because I kissed her too soon.” However, she was still responsive, and showing that she was interested. She just had a lot going on… These chicks live some busy ass lives. They are always doing something. They always have plans.

So while Turkish Delight was busy, I doubled down and went out again. I met a lot of women that day. Young, supple Korean chicks, old saggy ladies, you name it. The variety and the reception here has been a lot better. I must have a thing for late 30s chicks though, because I keep running into a bunch of them. Two in particular, I’ll call them Bori and Syd, were super receptive. I wasn’t sure if they were trying to get with me or they were simply trying to invite me into their friend circle, but let’s just say I’m assuming both. I want to say more about Bori and Syd, but I think I’m going to leave the details sparse for now. I ended up going out everyday for the rest of the week with them. I exchanged numbers with guys, girls, everyone. I’m trying to get in the habit of planting seeds to make things happen. A seed I planted a couple months ago turned into a private party with some cool people, and some solid guys that I’d like to stay connected to.

I also finally met the hot Japanese chick I matched with months ago. She is super hot in real life. I’m probably making excuses, but we danced, it was cool, but I couldn’t get a read on what she wanted or what she wanted from me. I had given her my number to meet up outside of dance a while back, and she never acted on it or any of my invitations. She would occasionally ping me to see if I was going to a specific place to dance so we could meet. Once we met, the response I got from her when I texted her wasn’t enthusiastic enough for me to continue to pursue. I deleted the app, and killed the lead. Maybe she was just looking for orbiters? Don’t really care. There’s too much other stuff going on with people that do want to see what the Monk is about.

Speaking of apps, I found a new app that is specifically for the ENM, Poly, Queer community. I know.. I hate the apps, but what the heck. I mainly use it to find out about events I might be interested in attending. But… I matched with someone that I had already met in real life a couple years ago. I can’t get into the detail, but this person recognized me. We went out on a date last week, and talk about sparks flying! She’s a few years older than me, but still hot AF. Tiny, so she’s aging well for now. I’m going to leave it at that for now. The caveat is she’s looking to create a family or that’s what she’s saying. She has essentially deescalated a primary partner to go on this search. What is it that she seeks? Is it family she’s searching for or new attention/ new relationship energy (NRE)? I keep hearing this, but none of the chicks that are saying this are taking actions or living a lifestyle that would actually result in creating said family. I just nod, smile, try to make what I want to happen a reality (read connect and f*ck, and bow out). Respectfully though…

I’m writing this in bed after having an amazing night with Turkish Delight 😉

Settling In/ Checking Out the New Scene

It’s been a few months now, and I can say I’m finally starting to settle in to that NYC life. To be fair, most of my acclimating has been to the new gig. There’s lots of work to be done. The interesting part about that to me is, as I suspected, in addition to the doing, I’m doing more influencing of teams and socializing of ideas than I’m used to. I’ve actually never done this before. It’s game at the business level. This has been a challenge, but it gives me another arena to take some game principles and apply them outside of my love life. If I can find ways to abstract the challenges and solutions maybe I’ll write about it.

Training

Outside of that I’m still training hard. Now I’m doing full body workouts three times a week. It seems my work capacity has gone up, and sometimes I do four depending on what I have going on. Within the past year I changed my upper body routine to be more circuit style. So instead of sets and reps, I’m doing pyramid style work outs. I had to stop with my weighted workouts last year, but for the past 6 months, I did a circuit of weighted dips, weighted pull-ups, weight dive bomber push ups and weighted rows up to 4 or 5 and back down to 1. My muscles are generally screaming by the time I get up to 5, and that’s definitely stimulating some growth. Not only are my muscles stronger, but my joints and ligament are stronger too, so I’ve recently changed my training to be more skill-based. Straddle pseudo-planche pushups, l-sit pull ups, chest to wall handstand pushups/elevated pike push ups, and advanced tuck front lever rows. (I was trying some of these movements a year ago, but it was actually too much and I had to scale it down.) And I’m doing squats and supplemental core work in the gym. I’ve also upped the amount of flexibility work I’m doing. I’m more conscious of the muscles I need to activate, so hopefully I’ll see some results there as well.

Fitness alone has been a game changer for me over the past three years. It has taken three years of consistently working out 3-4x a week to get to a point where it seems the gains are finally compounding. A lot of that was working on imbalances, creating mind-muscle connection, and simply doing the basics. Getting up at the crack of dawn has never been an issue for me, but I think the pronounced reward/incentives have me waking up before my alarm. I’m always ready to get a session in.

Social Scene

Apart from the training and work grind, I’m trying to build some semblance of a social life here. When I’m not completely fried, I try and make it out to at least one event per week. I’m dipping my toe into dancing, kink, and any other random thing I find interesting. As much as I’ve wanted to retire my dancing shoes, it’s proven again to be a great way to meet new people. Plus, for me, I can speak without saying much, and I love that. Dancing is the way. I went to my first kink event last week. I had my first lesson in bondage – how to tie someone up by the hands, and all the ways you can tie them once you’ve done that. Doing something new can always be nerve-wracking, but I just force myself to go, even if it’s alone. The environment was welcoming, and after 20 minutes I jumped right in. I even let me someone tie me up. I think it helps to understand what what it feels like to have the rope tighten against my skin. It helps to understand what that tension feels like. I keep coming across this word… tension. I see it dancing… tension to create movement between you and your dance partner or even on your own for a spin. Tension between man and woman when you lean in and hover to go in for a kiss. Tension and release… Tension and release. It’s been a while, but if I recall Nash talks about this tension and release a lot. Anyway, I’ve been trying to expand my dance and sexual repertoire with all of the social events now at my fingertips.

Ladies

I’m still seeing La Chilanga. Yep. We have been very consistent with each other. She’s visited me a couple of times, and vice versa. It’s actually been easier to see her than to get chicks in the City on a date. (I also haven’t been trying that hard.) I’m not going to play a broken record here, but online was a bust. After over two months, I got way more matches than in my old city, but none of the hot ones come out. There is one lead I’m hanging on to simply because it could open doors to a social circle if it comes to fruition. Yes, I’ll play the long game to get in good with a hot Japanese chick who might have access to more hot chicks. I’m also not holding my breath.

Back to La Chilanga… La Chilanga is intense. She’s a fucking firecracker. Loud, in your face, and tells you exactly how it is. I think part of what attracts me is that she says what everyone’s thinking, but doesn’t want to say. There are definitely times when this could be a minus, but fuck it… it makes her fun. She’s a very social person, and honestly she reminds me all the time of how “people need people.” Her life is very much about who she knows, and mingling with people in high places. She’s introduced me to lots of awesome people from her world. Which is cool, but I can’t help but think… All she needs is her accessory man on her arm and she’ll finally be able to be on par with her peers. I don’t mind being a part-time side piece, but full time would be unbearable.

Apart from this, she throws down in the kitchen and in the bedroom. So I keep going back. Sexually, she’s pretty vanilla. She’s not into any kink (that I know of) and she’s not keen on the vibrators. However, sex with her is always enthusiastic, and that in itself turns me on. In the back of my mind I do wonder how much of this is a performance and how much is genuine desire. We are talking about an older chick here, and sometimes I get the vibe like she’s trying to spin me into her web. It could also just be that I’m paranoid. Things have gone relatively well with us, but I know I’ve been giving off boyfriend vibes. Doing things like answering daily calls/messages. It’s also been difficult to ignore, since I’m not getting any similar energy from anyone else. How do you regulate that when you want to be around the person? I do think if I was getting the same enthusiasm from another girl I could more effectively distribute the attention I’m giving La Chilanga. That has been the hard part. Every now and then I slip in the word “lover”, but I don’t know how well it’s working for me. I got paranoid the other day after we had a general conversation about relationships, and explicitly told her, “I’m approaching the limit of what I can give you. Look, I’m not going to marry you or live with you. So if you need to find someone else, please do.” I don’t like being explicit, but sometimes I feel an inexplicable pressure. Maybe it’s in my head, but I can feel the girl trying to push things forward/escalate the relationship and I start feeling like I’m suffocating. However, this is me starting to understand and become aware of my boundaries. I don’t know how much that spoiled things, but we agreed to keep things as they are. I just want to keep things light, fun, and consistent. Can I do that without blowing the shit up? jajaja

Apart from her, I went out dancing a couple weeks ago and met someone I’m looking forward to seeing again. On our first date she revealed to me she was married in an open relationship. I asked her “what kind of trouble does she like to get into? (with a mischievous face) and it led me unexpectedly to the answers I was looking for. (Usually girls give boring answers because that’s what they think I want to hear or because they’re just boring, but she was right on the money) It seems the hotter people have private parties, and their own circles. I’m curious, and I’d like to know more… Despite us having a long first date walking around the City, I couldn’t tell if she was into the Monk or not. I opted for the kiss on the cheek, and kind of double-pecked because I wanted more, but figured I’d hold off until I get her back to my lair on the next date. I was nervous during the exchange of follow up texts, but she seemed “on”. We couldn’t nail down a second date, and I decided not to try and squeeze it in before my upcoming vacation with La Chilanga. I’d prefer to enjoy my time with La Chilanga and pick back up where I left off with this one when I get back. I get that I’m losing momentum with this new chick, but since I blew up a bit, I want to smooth that out before adding more to my plate. Super cute, super sweet girl with a mischievous side from what I can tell. Let’s see what trouble I get into next, if any 😉

No soy tu dueño, I’m your lover

A few months ago, I wrote about my experience meeting two women at a restaurant bar. One of them slid me a postcard and I wrote my number down. I’ll be honest, I thought I would never hear from her again. Then a couple weeks ago, as I was winding down for bed, my phone lit up a few times. In the first message was a picture of the postcard I wrote on from the restaurant. We were all pretty tipsy that night, but I hadn’t forgotten about that experience. It took long enough, but I guess her situation had changed, and our encounter at the bar left an impression on her. It left an impression on me too, because despite me saying, “She’s not my ideal prospect…” I was curious to hear more from her. This was also a lesson in patience. Things don’t always happen immediately, like we’ve been programmed to think. Even with that Amazon order that shows up on your doorstep two days later; a million events happen to make that possible. Our lives are millions of events that are happening/that we make happen even as I write, but they don’t usually happen over night.

The reality is I had dealt with a few women like her in my younger days, after my divorce. This is your late 30s, highly driven, very successful career woman. A lot of times they’ve been a few notches above bubbly, more like aggressive. Some might say they are in their masculine energy. I had never thought of it like that until I started learning more about polarity in this space. And that I was more in my feminine energy, and maybe that’s why I was attracting the women I was attracting. But I wonder… while I think there’s some truth to that, how real is that?

We met about a week later for drinks. She sat on the opposite side of me, and I told her she feels far away. “Come sit over here, next to me”, as I invited her over with my body, gesturing that the space was open and ready for her. Our conversation was pretty light, but her energy was a lot for me right from the beginning. It had been a long while since I had been with this kind of woman. In these situations I usually say less. She could go on forever about nothing, then about work, then about life. For me, again, I’m gathering information. Is this someone I’d invite back to my place? Is this someone I want to get close to? How close? With each new input, I’m deciding what’s next.

After the first drink, we finally touch on relationships and I ask her what happened to the guy she was seeing. I can’t remember all the reasons why, but she said it didn’t work out. From what she told me, and what I gather she’s a serial monogamist. She’s had a succession of long term relationships back to back without much break in between. Ideally she says she wants a “partnership.” When girls tell me that these days I just say, “OK, cool.” The first time she asked me what I was looking for I avoided the question. Later on in the conversation she asks me again and I tell her straight up, “I’m looking for lovers.” I go on to say that it would be nice to have something long term, but even then we are free to live our lives as we see fit. We’re speaking English for the most part, but we drop some Spanglish here and there. So I tell her, “No soy tu dueño. We get together when we can, and we enjoy each other while we can.”

Some might not like being so explicit, especially so early on, but I’m practicing not hiding my dick. And since I’m leaving this city I have nothing to lose. Girls that are truly looking for something “serious” will tell me bye once they’ve heard this or if they sense this; on the contrary, after I returned from the bathroom, she was even more receptive than before. She had moved from the seat beside me, to the seat across from me and held out her hand for me to hold. We finished off our drinks reading the wrinkles in each other’s hands. My hands are smooth, but calloused from the work. Her hands are soft, like the paws of a kitten that don’t know the heat of the asphalt or the rugged terrain of the earth. Regardless of what I thought of the date, I’ll usually go in for a hug and a peck on the cheek and leave it at that. As I moved out from the peck, she moved in towards me for the kiss. Her lips felt like silk. It was the type of kiss that made me want to melt right there on the sidewalk, even though it was 20 degrees F/-6 degrees C outside.

We made plans to have dinner a few days later. At this point, I’m anticipating meeting her. I couldn’t wait to get her alone. As she sat down, I could feel her intense energy emanating from her being. It seemed like she was always on the go. Like she never stopped to take a breath and slow down. She said she makes decisions all day, so when she gets off work she doesn’t want to think about anything. Decision made. We opted for the course menu, and let it flow. We met over food and wine, so I imagine for as long as our relationship lasts we will have a lot of it, among other things. I do love that she has good taste. I’ve learned a lot from these kind of women. Our conversation was again about life and more nothing, but the type of nothing you know leads to something.

Maybe it’s younger girls that want banter all the time, but is that even real? I think there are places in a conversation where you insert wit and banter, but it’s never my whole conversation. I might not even say anything witty until I understand a person’s vibe a bit more. The whole idea that you must be witty all the time seems to come from sitcoms, TV, which I don’t watch a lot of. It’s that constant need to be entertained; every line is a punch line, but that’s not real to me. I never grew up around that in real life. My first time even being aware that that was a thing was when I landed in LAX after being out of the country for a while. It felt like everyone was cracking jokes, even the police officers. I felt like I was in a sitcom. But as I went back to my real life, that element was a mere sprinkle throughout my days. It didn’t make up the majority of my interactions. I’ll leave that full-time job to the comedians and funny guys.

Instead of trying to think of something to say, I leaned back and listened. I learned a lot. She’s done a lot of intense shit. In a way I think I love that fire that she brings. I don’t show it all the time, but that same fire burns within me. This time, my eye contact was intense as I thought about all the things I wanted to do to her when I got her alone. I also thought about how I was going to find the switch to dial down her energy, and give her a space where she could relax. A space where she could be sexy and free.

After dinner, we held each other on the street corner. She looked up at me and said, “Where to next?” I smiled and said, “Let’s go to my place.” She gave me the, “I can’t stay too long, but sure.” I’ve gotten rid of all my furniture as I prepare for my big move, so I laid down some blankets for us to lay on. She grabbed one of the only books I haven’t packed up, and I wrapped my arm around her observing her as she flicked through some pages. Then she turned around and smiled, and we locked lips.

We both struggled to get her out of her tight black dress. Her butter pecan skin was soft and supple and she smelled delicious. I had to have a taste. I love eating pussy… it’s a lovely way to get to know someone, and for them to get to know you. The first time I read “She Comes First” was right before I got married. I accumulated a few sex books thinking I needed to prepare for my future wife, and I’d need them one day to keep things spicy. The second time I read it might’ve been a few years ago. Now I’ve been building up a library of tongue and finger strokes and playing with cadence and breath as I get feedback from each woman on what they like or don’t like and trying them out as I go. I observe how different women respond to different things, and how there are some things that just work. I could feel the contractions around my fingers as she came, then I slowly pulled out and hugged her pussy with the palm of my hand. Now I was ready, but I didn’t expect to last long because I was already spewing at the brim with excitement. One thing I noticed is that she always wanted me in the dominant position. I would switch because my knees were rubbing the floor, and then she would position me back on top of her. We finished with her on top of me. Within a few minutes she was ready to go again. I couldn’t put another condom on, so we just kissed each other from head to toe until we both came a few times more. Then we melted in each other’s arms. I loved watching her go from this aggressive, intense Chilanga to a sweet and somewhat shy girl who was finally able to take a breath.

I can’t wait to see her again.

Forward Bound

After my last post I was feeling down for a while. I’ve also been busy with a new job and apartment hunting in NYC. The rental market there is insane. I can’t believe people are bidding up on apartments, even with the prices as high as they are. I was chatting with a girl and her boyfriend that were viewing the same apartment as I, and they were saying that rent will go up at least $1000 for them wherever they decide to move. Despite all of that I’ve found a place I deem worth coughing up the big bucks for. It’s even got me thinking about hosting some gatherings here and there. My family was always the one to bring everyone together, but we stopped because it’s draining to always be the one giving. I’m not going to get into that, but that’s more or less another reason for my antisocial tendencies. But I want to get over that. It’s a great time for me to try anyway.

I didn’t do much girl hunting while I was there. I think I’m over my hate for the apps. The reality is that’s how I’m going to meet women, and my time is better spent doing other things. If I’m out and about, sure I’ll chat some people up, but I’m not going out of my way. I hopped on Feeld, and man, Feeld in NYC is so much different from the city I’m moving from. In NYC, I can swipe for 30 minutes and still only get to a 3 mile radius. I can swipe swipe for 10 minutes in my current city and be done with the deck, and not even like anyone. Lots of references to psychedelics, sex parties, and the like. Sex and the City has never felt realer than now for me. People are getting it in! I found an advertisement for a sex party on Feeld. I got in contact with the host, but I found out about it too late, and didn’t pull the trigger fast enough to go through all the registration steps. But it was good to know that the possibility is there. I’m curious to experience even one.

Now I’m back in my old city tying up loose ends. My energy is a little different now that I know I’m moving. Spring is just around the corner, and I’m going to go on as many dates as possible before I leave. And I’m not going to be a picky dickhead about it. I want the experience. So the first chick I met up with was a cute in the face, very round, rotund Japanese chick. I was actually excited to meet her. It had been a while since I had spoken with anyone in Japanese in person, and we vibed off of that. Nerdy, I know. She was just as bubbly in person. I love bubbly, warm women. Even though I want “hot” women, bubbly personalities outshine hotness a lot of times for me. We grabbed a tea and went for a walk. If I ever connect with a woman who is hot and bubbly, I’m probably fucked lol The other thing about bubbly women is, especially if they’re into me, they talk a lot and I don’t have to say much. I hate talking for talking’s sake. I prefer listening or pretending to listen, so it works out. They can blab, I can nod, and occasionally steer the conversation when I need to and that’s it. After a while we both ran out of things to say. I was walking a little ahead of her, and every few seconds or so I’d look back and give her my lover boy eyes. She signaled she wanted me to kiss her a few times. Instead of doing so, I invited her back to my place. We held hands in the Uber, and I don’t know if this is corny, but that kind of thing turns me on. I knew she was ready to jump my bones as we entered my place, but to slow things down I gave her a salsa lesson. Chicks generally enjoy this, but for me, it’s to ease my way into these casual encounters. If I wasn’t tense before, I always get 10x more tense bringing a chick home for the first time, especially so quickly. This is my second time trying to bang a fat chick, and I will say they’ve all been super responsive. They both quivered after every little touch. They both came from my fingers alone. I gave her a few strokes, but I was too anxious to stand to attention. So we just cuddled and made each other come. She enjoyed watching me hold her in the mirror angled towards my bed. It felt good holding her. I could never fully relax, but I could feel my brain slowly releasing tension… I needed that. She was nice. I think we gave each other a good time.

The next day, I matched with a black chick. I didn’t feel like having a long conversation via text. It was a beautiful day, so I asked her what she was doing later that evening. She didn’t have any plans, so I invited her out for a drink. Her pictures were blurry and she’s older, mid-30s, but again I’m just trying to make stuff happen after a long dry spell. I’m standing outside the bar because the place is packed, and I’m thinking what our next move should be. She walks up, and all I could think was, “Wow!”. She was bad. She had a nice petite frame; her body fit perfectly into mine when she hugged me. I smelled a subtle sweet fragrance on her neck, nails done, burgundy lips, tight skirt, and heels. That’s what I’m talking about! That’s what I want. She came ready. However, she’s more on the demure side. Which is not a bad thing, I just don’t know how to navigate that… yet. The conversation didn’t really flow, it was more of us playing the question game with awkward silences every now and then. I find that I’m more likely to ask riskier questions with bubblier women than women that present as more reserved. I’ve also found that the girls I think are on, are sometimes not. And when I have no idea what a girl is thinking, she’s the most on. She might not have said much, but after all, she was out with me. And sometimes it just feels like trying to find a light switch in the dark. Sometimes you’re able to find the switch immediately and turn on the light. Other times, it feels like you’re reaching all over the place, your fingers either pressing to hard or too lightly where you think the switch is. I don’t know if I found her switch. I kept it light. I did ask her about mushrooms though. She says she’s never tried them, but she’s open… We were both tired, so I ended the night early. I don’t know if she’ll bite, but I’ll invite her over for dinner soon.

In two days, I had two completely different experiences, with two completely different women. I literally went from one extreme to the next. I’d like to somehow bridge that gap. My goal now is to try and pick up some momentum and keep gathering more experiences. I’m ready to move forward.