I reached out to a player with some skin in the game a couple of days ago. I was more so asking how to develop inner game, which has been a struggle. This is coming after a string of unsuccessful first dates and approaches in Feb/March. Not going to lie, RPD’s post about burning leads made me question my practice of deleting numbers so soon too. So has this quarantine. It would be cool to have someone to hit up right now.
For me, I think I mess up the most after first dates. If I’m not into the chick, whatever, I guess. But in the instances where I would like to see her again, and I get hit with silence or an excuse (shit test?), I definitely throw in the towel too early. I think deleting the number was my way of trying to “play it cool” in instances where I felt excited and sensed she didn’t have the same enthusiasm on her side. This behavior is pretty anxious-avoidant of me, and does not get me closer to my goal of getting close to her in all the ways two sexy mofos can become close. As RPD points out in his post, if she doesn’t respond who knows what’s going on in her life? I could at least try one more time after a couple of days.
Inner game is a difficult topic to tackle since this varies from person to person, but the main takeaway I got from the advice I was given was this:
…if you can let things roll off, not take things too seriously, and not get blown off course, you can develop that inner game.
Sometimes I am too hard on myself and then end up crashing and burning. At the moment, I see myself in this for the long run so what are some ways I can manage my own expectations and my ego so I don’t crash before I even get started?
- Process over feelz. In the comments, Magnum says to make contacting a girl a process (“if girl flakes, roll off and hit up one more time”). Essentially I need to detach myself from the outcome, while still leaving the opportunity to win open. I’m not excited about the mechanical feel of this, but if it’ll get me laid I’ll try it. I’ll worry about feelz later. I still want the feelz at some point.
- Be playful. I need to remind myself this a game. It should be fun. I’ve been training/working hard, but I need to add in some more play time. I’m a playful person in my own little world or when I’m on the dance floor, but maybe I should try to extend that to when I’m interacting with others outside of that too. If they don’t get it, whatevs bruv.
- Stay leveled. I love the highs, but that can make the lows feel that much low. Try to maintain a consistent state of being in the middle so that emotion doesn’t over take you. If something good happens, acknowledge it, do a little dance, keep moving forward. If something not so good happens, acknowledge it, let out one groan if necessary, then keep your head above water. Don’t linger. Keep moving forward. Easier said than done.
I’ll start with these three things for now.
I appreciate the knowledge and idea sharing going on in this space.